Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Christmas letter

I haven't been here in a while.  I have been a human doing instead of a human being.  I just started a new book--Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish.  I love her voice although she kind of rambles and loses me at times.  I read her stuff wondering how she knows what goes on inside my head.  She inspires me to stretch my wings.

I haven't worked on the memior.  I am afraid to start again.  I am afraid of Vista. I don't understand what my left pinkie finger does to get me in so much trouble.  I will try to keep it extended and not hit extranious keys.

I wrote my yearly tacky Christmas letter.  Last year when I wrote it I was on the edge of a major life change.  I didn't say anything in the letter.  I didn't want to be a downer at the holidays.  I suppose I was leaving myself an out just in case I didn't leave.  This year I felt I owed my family and friends an explanation of my inexplicable behavior.  I hope it satisfies them.

I was wondering what I would do with my time off at Thanksgiving.  I finally decided.  I am having dinner with my younger daughter and her family on Wednesday.  Thanksgiving Day I will watch the Macy's parade and go to the movies or write.  On Friday I am working a half day and then I am going to see a friend for the weekend.  I refuse to sit here feeling sorry for myself.  That wasn't why I left.

I have been off my plan for a while now.  Maybe it was the depression.  Maybe it was grief as the one year anniversay of my freedom approached.  Maybe it was exhaustion from all the legal wrangling.  Maybe it is just fall and I am going into hibernation mode.  Irregardless, the divorce will be final in a few weeks.  All that is left is gathering the remains of my things and returning the things which I inadvertantly took with me.  It is a poor end to thrity years together, but it is what I wanted.  Still it is sad.

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